Epic Rap Battle of Equestria: Pinkie Pie vs Discord
by 3theCaptain
Summary: Pinkie Pie and Discord go head-to-head in an epic rap battle with no stakes whatsoever! Who will win this legendary rhyming duel of chaos? You decide! Voters get cupcakes. [Mild language.]


**Epic Rap Battle of Equestria:**

**Pinkie Pie vs Discord**

Announcer: EPIC RAP BATTLE OF EQUESTRIA! PINKIE PIE versus DISCORD! BEGIN!

Vinyl Scratch plays dubstep in the background with her bass cannon.

Discord and Pinkie Pie stare each other down.

Pinkie Pie rubs her nose. "Hm... floppy ears, achey knees, itchy nose. If I'm right, then that combo means... A LITTLE BITCH IS ABOUT TO GET SERVED!"

Discord chuckled mischievously. "Oh ho ho, Pinkie Pie, we'll see about that."

.

DISCORD:

A chaos storm is brewing: twists and turns my master plan

The god of chaos won the battle 'fore it even began!

When compared to a draconequus, ponykind is so dense.

I'd be more concise but what fun is there in making sense?

.

I'm the spirit of disharmony; I can cut to the bone

I can see the darker side of you, the one rarely shown.

If you say I'm lying, I assure you I'm quite honest:

Just think what happens when somepony breaks a pinkie promise.

.

You live with the Cakes and do all of their chores

Pretending they're your parents 'cause you left behind yours

You've hundreds of acquaintances but none of them close

To cover how you _really_ are when you feel morose.

.

Deep down you fear they'll leave you if they see the truth

So you surround yourself with silliness and parties and youth

Perhaps if you act randomly they'll be okay when they find

You're still the little lonely girl the _rock farm left behind._

_._

PINKIE PIE:

You say I'm lonely? Me? Your words betray you

You insult with what you don't want me to say too

Encased in stone, took your home, forever trapped, always alone

And now _she_ rules on YOUR LONELY, BROKEN THRONE!

.

You had better think before you laugh at the Pink.

With my party cannon all your ships I will sink.

Discord, you're a hater, but that's nothing new.

I'll just love and tolerate the shit out of you!

.

You call yourself a rhymer but all you do is stall

You better run for cover when I _break the fourth wall!_

I make physics my mare without a second thought

And when I wear my spy suit keep your eyes! Off! My! Damn! Plot!

.

Elements of Harmony? I'm Laughter represent!

While all you go around sowing is malicious discontent.

You're just a bunch of talk: you couldn't hypnotize a _tree!_

And she's the same one who redeemed you with her gift of harmony.

.

DISCORD:

Yes, you have your random songs to make you seem sweet

But we both know they're just to hide what lurks underneath.

Are you in there, Pinkamena? By day you like laughter.

By night you cut your friends and serve them up on a platter.

.

Oh-what's-that? Did-that-sting? You think you're beyond repute?

Well I must say you look quite dashing in a cutie mark suit.

You may say I'm evil when _you're_ the one who needs help:

Least I've never had a tea party with only myself!

.

I have power: at my word law and order will melt!

While Pinkie Pie's just sitting there, thinking in felt.

And you gloat the elements mean we are not the same?

I'll remind you who was fond of my chocolate rain.

.

PINKIE PIE:

*Deep breath* Pickle-barrel-kumquat-chimmy-cherry-changa

You've-gotta-be-mistaken-if-you-think-that-I'm-no- longa

A-contender. A-defender. Pinkie-Pie's-not-a-pretender

If-she-says-that-she'll-come-after-you-you-had-bet ter-just-surrender!

.

You think you can scare me with all your secrets and lies?

Be aware that chaos is in the beholder's own eyes.

I may look cute and cuddly but I'll give you whiplash

While I knife you like a bitch, I'll wear this moustache!

.

As I said at the start, when I felt my nose start itchin',

You know you better run when Pinkie Pie's a-twitch a-twitchin'.

And no matter what you say or what you think you deserved,

Just like my cupcakes, YOU JUST GOT SERVED!

.

Announcer: WHO WON? YOU DECIDE!

* * *

[Author's Note: If you want to read a long, serious Half-Life/Portal story, check out my story _Between Minds._

Some short, comedic Portal action? Check out _the Rules, by Cave Johnson_. You can even send me recommendations which may be put in the final product. You'd get your name in the credits.

Short heartwarming Rise of the Guardians about Jack and his sister? _Guardian Angel_.

Hilarious, self-aware parody/satire of the Spongebob/Disney universe?_ The Ugly Barnacle._

Looking for a rude Harry Potter parody fic? _Hermione Writes Bad Fanfiction_.

There's something for everyone!]


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